Elul Thoughts

This summer, I’ve been blessed to step away from my usual congregational role and serve full-time as an intern at a local funeral home. It’s been one of the most intense and meaningful experiences of my career. As we enter the month of Elul—a time for reflection and return—I’ve been thinking about the phrase makhloket l’shem shamayim—a disagreement for the sake of Heaven.

Planning a funeral brings families face-to-face with overwhelming emotions—and sometimes with difficult decisions. Where should the burial take place? Should the ceremony be traditional or more personal? Should a rabbi or cantor be present? Do we wait for everyone to gather, or bury quickly? Do we sit shiva? These questions often spark tension—not because people don’t care, but because they care deeply.
Over the years, and especially this summer, I’ve learned that even painful disagreements can be rooted in love. When we call it a disagreement for the sake of Heaven, we acknowledge that behind every opinion is a heart grieving, remembering, and trying to honor someone who mattered deeply.

I often tell families: you may not see things the same way, but you’re all here because you loved the same person. That love is sacred. That love is what endures. If we can listen to one another with kindness and humility, even in our pain, we can make room for healing—and for holiness.

May your choices bring comfort and may the memory of your loved one be for a blessing.